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Jokes
May 30, 2011 10:46:47 GMT 1
Post by grimreaper on May 30, 2011 10:46:47 GMT 1
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Jokes
May 30, 2011 10:50:39 GMT 1
Post by grimreaper on May 30, 2011 10:50:39 GMT 1
BLONDE POLE DANCER I tried not to send this to anyone it might offend. Beautiful Blonde Pole Dancer If you should find it too offensive, please advise, and I will remove your name promptly from this type of emails! (Open Discreetly) Please scroll down . ..  Uploaded with ImageShack.us? ?GOTTCHA!! May you always have enough HUMOUR and LOVE in your life! I knew you couldn't resist scrolling down to look!!! "Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we might as well dance." Anon |
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Jokes
May 30, 2011 10:54:20 GMT 1
Post by grimreaper on May 30, 2011 10:54:20 GMT 1
FIRST, do the simple math below.
THEN, scroll down to find your hero.
Do not scroll down until you do the math!!
It is truly remarkable just how accurate this is!
1) Pick your favourite number between 1 and 8
2) Multiply your choice by 3
3) Add 3
4) Multiply again by 3
5) You'll get a 2 digit number.....maybe 42, for example
6) Add the digits together. Example 4 and 2 = 6
Now Scroll down.
With that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:
1. Albert Einstein
2. Oprah Winfrey
3. Mother Theresa
4. Ronald Reagan
5. Bill Gates
6. Gandhi
7. Eleanor Roosevelt
8. Babe Ruth
9. Grimreaper.
10. Abraham Lincoln
11. Barbara Walters
12. Dalai Lama
I know, I know...I just have that effect on people...One day you, too, can be like me....Believe it!
P.S. Stop picking different numbers!! I AM YOUR IDOL, JUST DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!
NOW CLICK "FORWARD", PUT YOUR NAME IN NO. 9 AND SEND IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS FOR A BIT OF FUN.
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Jokes
May 30, 2011 11:03:00 GMT 1
Post by Shadow on May 30, 2011 11:03:00 GMT 1
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Jokes
May 30, 2011 11:03:56 GMT 1
Post by grimreaper on May 30, 2011 11:03:56 GMT 1
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. F*ck me, talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.""f*ck that" says
Mick"have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
Spent £40 on eBay last week for a p*nis enlarger.Just opened it and some bastard's sent me a magnifying glass!
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said your obviously not f--k--g listening.
Under new E.U. law the word "gypo" is no longer politically correct.
They have to be called (caravan utilising nomadic travellers) or
C.*.N.T.S. for short.
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
I was in the pub with my wife last night and i said i love you. She
said is that you or the beer talking ? I replied it's me talking to
the beer.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Hi mate i don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the
casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what i thought it was.
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Jokes
May 30, 2011 11:06:47 GMT 1
Post by grimreaper on May 30, 2011 11:06:47 GMT 1
;D ;D ;D Good one Shadow.. Have you seen the new postage stamps that are coming out.  Uploaded with ImageShack.us |
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Jokes
May 30, 2011 16:14:09 GMT 1
Post by grimreaper on May 30, 2011 16:14:09 GMT 1
Why Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss.  If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.  If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!  If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall......  And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.  When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions cause unwanted risk, then you'll have to flash the BIOS and you'll want to RAM your ROM, just quickly turn the darn thing off and run to tell your Mom!  Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?  Thank you, Bill Gates, for bringing all this into our lives |
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Jokes
May 30, 2011 16:17:50 GMT 1
Post by grimreaper on May 30, 2011 16:17:50 GMT 1
It's Tough Being a Married Man...
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Jokes
May 30, 2011 16:27:21 GMT 1
Post by Shadow on May 30, 2011 16:27:21 GMT 1
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Jokes
May 31, 2011 6:22:49 GMT 1
Post by grimreaper on May 31, 2011 6:22:49 GMT 1
All sorted I hope changed them all to image shack.
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Jokes
Jun 1, 2011 16:54:59 GMT 1
Post by grimreaper on Jun 1, 2011 16:54:59 GMT 1
 The Over 60 Quiz............. Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction. Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When done, you have a place to live. Q: How can I increase the heart rate of my over-60 year-old mate? A: Tell him you're pregnant. Q: How can I avoid that terrible curse of unsightly wrinkles? A: Take off your glasses. Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face? A: Go bra-less. It will usually pull them out.. Q: Why should 60-plus people use valet parking? A: Valets don't forget where they park your car. Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem. Q: As people age, do the y sleep more soundly? A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon. Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses? A: On their foreheads. Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? A: "Gosh, I remember all these!" SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT? |
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Jokes
Jun 1, 2011 19:10:59 GMT 1
Post by Shadow on Jun 1, 2011 19:10:59 GMT 1
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Jokes
Jun 1, 2011 21:53:38 GMT 1
Post by patsie on Jun 1, 2011 21:53:38 GMT 1
Good one Grim - had to laugh about the "over 60's" post. Another to add to your list (it's mine) - lost purse - mega panic - phoning the grocery store - didn't leave it there. Eventually found it in the fridge. Yup, you have to laugh, or you will think you're going mad. Got to love it  Also - how do you do it? - you ARE my role model  |
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Jokes
Jun 2, 2011 11:03:02 GMT 1
Post by grimreaper on Jun 2, 2011 11:03:02 GMT 1
When purchasing a bicycle........
no matter how cute you are........
be SURE to consider the color of the seat! 
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Jokes
Jun 2, 2011 11:07:53 GMT 1
Post by grimreaper on Jun 2, 2011 11:07:53 GMT 1
NEVER GO TO BED WITH A CHINESE MAN (as if you would!)   They do all look the same don't they ? |
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