Post by Blue Star Broon on Jul 3, 2013 12:08:51 GMT 1
NUFC has announced the new head of Club information is Mr. C. Hadawayandshite. Many may remember his venture with the club regarding tutors for the French speaking lads acquired during the last transfer window. Because of the recent turmoil in the press Club owner Mike Ashley has appointed Mr. Hadawayandshite Director of Sports Information at Newcastle United Football Club. Mr. Ashley has decided adding a born and breed Geordie to Club Directors may help ease tensions among supporters. Mr. C. did in fact sing The Blaydon Races prior to Derby Day. Scurrilous reports that he was in fact the masked hooligan that took a swipe at the police horse after the match are completely unfounded. In fact there has been a sworn affidavit from his former business partner at Lonely Gents.com he was eating a meal in the Chinatown section of Newcastle right after the match when chaos erupted. Mr. C. has divested any interest in his former business and will act solely Director of Sports Information. The Chronicle was the first to interview Mr. C. and question him on his new position.
Reggie Grill: Good afternoon Mr. C. how did this job come about?
Mr. C. Well Reg as you know there’s been a lot of bad press concerning the appointment of Joe Kinner and then that Shearer business. I’m here to get the proper word out to the supporters before we become the laughing stock of the entire Premier League. I’ve done business with Big Mike many times over the years so I called him up and told him I could clear up a lot the uncertainties being reported in the press. Geordies by nature are very wary of Cockneys and their ways so adding a Geordie to the mix just made sense. Hey I was born and raised here, know all the words and verses to “Geordie Was A Clubman”, they’ll trust me to give them the truth.
Reggie Grill: Newcastle’s been taking a lot of stick from your rivals at Sunderland with all the fuss going on here. Do you plan to address any of that?
Mr. C. I canno be bothered with the Mackems right now. They are a twisted lot. I heard them singing songs about letting their gaffer shag their wives after derby day, very sick people they are. Let them sit in their stadium, eat their Kebab’s and pass wind, makes no never mind too me.
Reggie Grill: There has been some pretty tasteless chants at St. James Park this past season. Would you care to comment on those?
Mr. C. The worst one was ,”It’s all Pardews Fault”. Unfair that one was. Goodness sake the man was Manager of the Year in 2012. Winning football matches will change all that.
Reggie Grill: There’s been some pretty tawdry stories going around about your former business associate, a Mr. Fairsy. Would you care to comment on that?
Mr. C. Aye, I know the one you’re referring too. It is a complete and utter falsehood that Fairsy’s mam made him dance for money in the front parlor room for money as a child. This fable was created by a business rival intended to ward off potential clients. Ever since Fairsy took up with his partner Alphonse’ his integrity has been in question.
Reggie Grill: Why is the Stadium Pub being renamed?
Mr. C. Big Al is a footballer, Big Mike is a business man and pretty successful at that. Big Al needs to stick to Football, simples. Truth be told revenues have been down and a change was needed. Stories about Big Mike throwing his toys out the pram were most likely started by those stupid Wearysiders.
Reggie Grill: Finally Mr. C. do you plan on keeping that dodgy pony tail trough out the season?
Mr. C. F**k off mate!
Reggie Grill: Good afternoon Mr. C. how did this job come about?
Mr. C. Well Reg as you know there’s been a lot of bad press concerning the appointment of Joe Kinner and then that Shearer business. I’m here to get the proper word out to the supporters before we become the laughing stock of the entire Premier League. I’ve done business with Big Mike many times over the years so I called him up and told him I could clear up a lot the uncertainties being reported in the press. Geordies by nature are very wary of Cockneys and their ways so adding a Geordie to the mix just made sense. Hey I was born and raised here, know all the words and verses to “Geordie Was A Clubman”, they’ll trust me to give them the truth.
Reggie Grill: Newcastle’s been taking a lot of stick from your rivals at Sunderland with all the fuss going on here. Do you plan to address any of that?
Mr. C. I canno be bothered with the Mackems right now. They are a twisted lot. I heard them singing songs about letting their gaffer shag their wives after derby day, very sick people they are. Let them sit in their stadium, eat their Kebab’s and pass wind, makes no never mind too me.
Reggie Grill: There has been some pretty tasteless chants at St. James Park this past season. Would you care to comment on those?
Mr. C. The worst one was ,”It’s all Pardews Fault”. Unfair that one was. Goodness sake the man was Manager of the Year in 2012. Winning football matches will change all that.
Reggie Grill: There’s been some pretty tawdry stories going around about your former business associate, a Mr. Fairsy. Would you care to comment on that?
Mr. C. Aye, I know the one you’re referring too. It is a complete and utter falsehood that Fairsy’s mam made him dance for money in the front parlor room for money as a child. This fable was created by a business rival intended to ward off potential clients. Ever since Fairsy took up with his partner Alphonse’ his integrity has been in question.
Reggie Grill: Why is the Stadium Pub being renamed?
Mr. C. Big Al is a footballer, Big Mike is a business man and pretty successful at that. Big Al needs to stick to Football, simples. Truth be told revenues have been down and a change was needed. Stories about Big Mike throwing his toys out the pram were most likely started by those stupid Wearysiders.
Reggie Grill: Finally Mr. C. do you plan on keeping that dodgy pony tail trough out the season?
Mr. C. F**k off mate!
I've seen Newcastle United win silverware!
